I had half a Dr. Pepper at 5:00 and now I’m all hyped up on caffeine and can’t sleep (#mormonproblems #lightweight), so I figured I could use the time to do a little self-analysis. Basically, I just realized that I’m awkward. Chris very gently confirmed this fact, so I’m here to explain myself.

Lately I meet new people and this is how my conversations go:

  • New Friend: Hi, I’m Bla Bla!
  • Me: I’m Tori.
  • Silence
  • Crickets chirp.
  • I pretend to play with Kinley because I can’t think of a THING to say.
  • Bla Bla walks away in search of someone more normal.

It’s a problem. The interesting thing is… I haven’t always been like this. I sold furniture to mostly retired snowbirds for 2 years. If there is a demographic who likes to talk and has time to talk… that’s it. My job description was essentially to sit in a rocking chair and chat it up with grandma about hip replacements and “kids these days”.

So what changed? I went to China.

For nine months this was the extent of my conversations:

  • Me: Ni hao (Hello). Wo jiao Tori (My name is Tori).
  • Chinese person: guani gien hun shien shung women tien fu pung hun lei  tien fun hao bu hao zhong wun chi wo du tai tai fa guorunj!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Me: Ok. Bye.

After 9 months of isolation and forgetting how to talk to people, I had a baby. The only conversations we have are in Gibberish (not sure if you’re familiar with that language but it is typically spoken in an obnoxiously high-pitched voice.)

Now that I’m aware of how terrible it must be for people to spend time with me, I’m making a public commitment: I commit to be less awkward!!!

[Disclaimer: this whole anti-awkward thing will only work if you speak English. But then again, if you’re reading this…. never mind.]

But hey, at least I’m not this weird-o.


Wait a minute…